someazureyoshi asked: I'm 21 and haven't even sniffed a relationship yet. I don't know how I would even interact with someone I'd want to date so to me the progress you've made recently looks like a lot to someone like myself. Dunno if hearing that will make you feel better but I figured it couldn't hurt to tell you so. :)
I think I mostly feel bad because I have family members, including my mother, who are judging my “social progress” on whether or not I can “get a man.” I probably wouldn’t be feeling as bad if I didn’t have the family pressure I do now.
I also have peers who are fully supportive of the “not rushing into things” attitude, but then they have casual sex, and they assume I’m some stiff religious prude because I don’t really do that either. It’s like no one’s willing to give me a break.
I just needed to vent.
I’m 24 years old and have never had a boyfriend, but I did have a “kind of sort of girlfriend” for about 2 weeks when I studied abroad in Argentina my junior year of college.
When I was young, I always thought I’d be this girl who just had boyfriends all throughout high school and college. I never wanted to be one of those crazy girls that only spent their time thinking about boys though, I thought it was incredibly stupid.
I always had crushes on guys, and never had the nerve to ask them out, or by the time I worked up the courage, and built myself a “social plan” to get it off the ground they were “taken.” And no one ever “asked me out” ever.
Instead of “dating” in middle school, I was bullied relentlessly, and tried to find solace in my small group of friends from youth group. I would also read all the time, because I had nothing better to do, and I honestly enjoyed it more than anything else.
Instead of “dating” in high school, I was combating depression and suicidal thoughts, wondering where the hell I was supposed to go with my life after graduation, if I graduated.
In some ways, I know I shouldn’t be bitchy and mopey about it. That I should learn to appreciate myself, but it’s gotten to the point where I can feel that other people are judging my worth based on whether or not I’m in a relationship.
I know that my mom has been wondering for years if I’m secretly a lesbian (short answer:no, I identify as bisexual). I also had aunts and uncles wondering when I’m finally “going to get a man.” Now I even have co-workers, who are close to my own age, look at my questioningly before they say, “So … . do you want to have a family?”
It’s not like I’m actively pushing everything and everyone away, it just hasn’t happened yet, at all. Nothing has fallen into place.
Although, this past year I’ve had my first kiss, made out with two strangers at a dance club, and for the first time I felt sexually empowered and mature, and I felt amazing.
A few months ago, I had sex for the first time with a guy I really like. For about two weeks I thought it might turn into a “real grown up relationship.” But then he wasn’t returning my calls or texts. I would ask him via text, email, and facebook when he would be free to meet up and hang out, and he kept blowing me off for weeks.
I felt used, and pulled around. I still really like this guy, and we still hang out from time to time, but now I know he just likes to sleep around with almost any cute girl that he finds. I just wish he had been more clear with his motives from the beginning.
I just find it annoying that many of the guys I like or have liked, all turn the other way once a much cuter, or more popular girl walks by. I can’t fucking compete.
And it’s so easy to tear myself down, because all I can think is who’d want to date someone with the mental and emotional baggage that I have anyway?
I’d love to be in a relationship with someone who loves me, despite my asperger’s syndrome. I just feel like I put in all this effort with zero payoff and I don’t have the energy for this bullshit. I give up.
if someone’s happy doing their strange weird thing and they’re not hurting anybody then that’s really awesome and you should just let them be and maybe even be glad for them
so many people are scared shitless to show anybody what makes them happy or excited because there are so many people eager to point and laugh
I feel I was conditioned to be afraid of feeling happy because of this, even if it was “an accident.” It wasn’t just being bullied by my peers in school. Whenever I burst out laughing or smiled on rare occasions, the adults who were supposed to care for me immediately jumped on it. “Oh my gosh! She’s smiling! Why are you smiling? Tell us! Tell us!”
For an aspie, that reaction was disconcerting, and felt like an interrogation. I came to cover my random smiles in class so my teacher wouldn’t point it out.
My advice is, if you see an autistic person laughing or smiling, just laugh and smile with them so they know they’re accepted. We deserve to feel our emotions in a safe environment.
Dear people who claim that vaccines cause autism, therefore people shouldn’t vaccinate their kids,
vaccines exist to prevent deadly illnesses. You are literally saying that endangering your child’s life is preferable to them being autistic. Never mind whether they actually do cause it or not, you’re saying that death is preferable to autism.
Congrats, you’re a piece of shit and the autistic person/people in your life deserve better.
I would have out it a more diplomatically, but these are my thoughts almost exactly.
Sorry for the long absence. I know this isn’t the first time I’ve apologized for it.
If YOU want to see me update regularly with more personal posts, don’t be afraid to nudge me and send me a message to remind me to get my fingers in gear and type up! (just don’t be an asshole about it.
I was going to post a few weeks ago about all of the “mental health” talk that came about the Newtown Connecticut shooting, but I was sick with a deathly cold, and hopped up on NyQuil. Then I went home for the Holidays and decided to just take a break from everything during that time.
I came back to work a little over a week ago, and I’ve just been swamped with marking papers since day 1.
Anyway, I think I may set up a reminder on my iphone so that I at least post once a week.
Also, my ask box is always open! The more questions I get, the more answers/posts there’ll be! I mean, this is Ask an Aspie.
So please ask away! (Common courtesy highly encouraged.)